Will take her out to nice places, and buy her stuff. Its amazing where friendship comes from in the darkest of times. This was betrayal. The moment your sexuality became some kind of giggle fodder was when it really crossed the line. See how it flushes out. Second, your wife may have been shitface drunk when she blabbed your secret, but she should have refused to talk about it thereafter. Good luck! Sorry if this is all over the place. There's a wide gulf between those that think that's okay and the rest of us. He was literally a running joke to all of them. It very much is and if you let them gaslight you and suppress how you actually feel, you will feel a huge burden and trust issues for the rest of your life. She needs to apologize to you in a way that doesn't offset the blame to her friends. A couple of laffs? She told them deeply personal stuff about your sex life. Like it may have been rooted in some truth, but exaggerated and theatricated for like entertainment purposes. If that isn't true, she should dump the friends because no one should have to feel like they have to validate themselves in a relationship to those they trust. she also choose to make fun of you to her friends instead of standing up for you. A random guy you barely know has stuck more by you tonight than your own wife does on the regular. Solve thid situation by TALKING let her explain herself and then tell her what you feel. Hold on tight and never give up! She failed at the number one attribute an SO needs to be, your SO's most ardent defender. There were 3 friends with her. Take care of yourself, and good luck. Did she give me advice? Second, if you know somebody is making fun of you over something so intimate and personal, how can you enjoy it again? If she had doubled down and defended herself and her friends, then that would be a break up situation imo. But she's obviously done it before - all her friends knew it was okay to discuss and laugh about while she joked about letting him do "gay" stuff while she fantasies about other men. Also, she may have "let it slip" 2 years ago, but obviously they've all talked about it since. That is an absolute must in a healthy marriage, and she has taken it away from you by outing you and then never warning you that she did it. My fears were confirmed she'd been talking to him for a good while. Also, the fact that she let her friends talk shit about him while she and OP are supposed to be in a happy marriage Damn, that says a lot. She put you down at your own house. Whats going to happen if your kids turn out to be not straight or not Cis? No pun intended. You're definitely overreacting but to a strange set of circumstances. Be happy anyway. Of course she's only sorry she got caught but think about it, how many times they've been making fun of you from their girls night outs? Anywho, I keep listening and one of her friends mentions that she ran into Tom while grocery shopping and found out that hes visiting family in town. Partners that demand that have no respect for you. Although, bi men have it way worse. You can be pissed and hurt and angry for now and work on it. My phone was blowing up the whole time with calls and text from my wife and a few from our friends. Right? Ha fucking ha. She violated a boundary. Me: girls, get your better halves and get the fuck out of my house They all pop right up and walk past me. But try couples counseling and go from there. I am a very chill guy. Then the friend asked my wife if she had ever been tempted to cheat on me with (insert ex-boyfriend's name), to which my wife replied saying hell no, that she would never risk our marraige like that. Never stay with someone because of the kids and don't ban alcohol from your spouse this is terrible advice. Honor every feeling, but don't become paralysed by them. Sorry man, I feel like we all over share with our friends sometimes. OK she was drunk and your sexuality came out in a stupid moment. Nothing really, it's all been said, nothing can change it. She really messed this up, she's immature and worried about offending the wrong people. I hope you are able to get marriage counseling and find a way through this wether it ends with you together or not. There were many times where we wanted to throw in the towel. If you think you can continue in a relationship with someone who is so nonchalantly willing to throw you, your feelings, and your whole person under the bus so easily, for what? All you heard was a snippet of the conversation that you could loud and clear despite being in another room. Can you trust a person like that after all this? I'm not sure how your marriage survives without professional help. It takes a lot of trust and vulnerability to explore kinks with somebody. Im extremely sorry this happened to you OP. Would she throw them under the bus too or try to forbid them from coming out? You both need support and work towards creating a space where you both can be more honest with one another. Once you know how you need to move forward, she can either own her awful behavior and support you or she can kick rocks. Many of your friends and family pick up on this anyway. However you don't have to forgive and forget either; life isn't black and white. But Id advise against staying with someone like that at all. I don't know that I could ever trust and be vulnerable with her again. Personally I don't think it's bad enough to end a good relationship over but you should make it clear that trying to hide her mistake and belittling you to others to save her self from their scorn is both childish and cruel. I could only imagine how crap you feel right now. The trust cannot be restored and it would be better to separate for now. I knew I wasnt in a good state and ignored all of them. She told him that he was drunk and that no she hadn't told me. It sounds like you're discovering a side of your wife you didn't know about. Not impossible, but def not easy or quick. Personally I think you handled as well as could be expected - what with confronting the issue right away and pulling consequences for her violating your very personal boundary/secret. The mmmhmmm's give that away. Life works in a whelm of duality. I think that you need a good week to try and think about how you feel, how you're going to be able to contain the gossip and how you move forward with the wife . When I was married my ex-wife I had a problem with erectile distinction for a few months, due to massive stress at work. i would like to add a partner should never ever make you feel ashamed or embarrassed about your sexuality. I dont get real emotional or worked up over things.but I felt rage for the first time in a long time. So props to you. Im gonna get downvoted for this but I think you should hear it anyway OP. I don't know what you should do but I know you shouldn't just roll over and say it's okay. Going forward, she needs to seriously consider what she says to her "friends" if she cannot say them infront of you openly. Dont just accept her apology and move on. Why would she tell them that you enjoy pegging? My identity was something I held tight to my chest for years. I'm glad she apologized. Tell her that not another drop of alcohol is going to pass her lips from now on, it obviously addles her common sense. I could not imagine this type of betrayal and I hope you can find peace. So (and this is where your perception of the relationship comes in) you have to determine whether she was going with the flow of the conversation or whether she does actually have an issue with that. She blamed drinking for outing you in the beginning and now shes blaming it again in this situation. Do not just nod your head and move on, demand that you be treated with respect and acknowledged as the great husband you are, not just some bi/gay sexually promiscuous dude who treats her nicer than Tom.. Thats punishment enough for some. She said 'girls talk' and she has to have someone to talk to about stuff. As for your wife - I think her feelings are understandable even if her actions were insensitive. Fuck how you want to fuck. When you can't control what's happening, challenge yourself to control the way you respond to what's happening. My conjecture is that she did so because of the above reasons basically to seem cool. Names have been changed. My take: there may be some truth in her fabrications to her friends, which makes her even worse. I have a key and texted her I needed to stay there for the night and she said of course without any questions asked. How you treat your relationship with your wife is up to you, but I would say to her that her friends are homophobic and need to never come by the house again. And I've faced this with my family-- I shut that crap down with a quickness. Honestly man if I found out my partner thinks so little of me because of my sexuality, especially after what you guys do in the bedroom, I would honestly hand her divorce papers and let her know that she can enjoy her friends company more since she's not with the bi guy anymore and she can go be with Tom like she wanted. You think youre slick enough to hide the resentment and anger but youre not. I turned around and stormed off to our room. Youre not overreacting. Part of thinks I should be able to accept her apology and shrug this off.maybe I overacting.but its all I can think about. Bisexuality is valid. We have been married for more than 10 years and have . In this day and age? If it was an accident, she should have come clean when it happened. Your wife shouldnt have outed you to her friends. You are not overreacting. I'm reading all the comments and really appreciate the advice and support guys . But Im not sure I know anyone who hasnt. Great comment. I mean if she can demean you in front of her friends there is absolutely no issue putting her in her place in front of them as well. Not such perfect marriage after all. Don't make any decisions until you have calmed down. Whats the point in being in relationship, in a marriage if you can't have ALL of trust, loyalty, and respect. I couldnt believe it. Unfortunately as long as there are homophobic people out there, there is potential to damage his reputation. For the record, any intelligent person knows that there is no straight/gay/bi sex acts. Its unsettling that she would remain friends with people who dared to judge her in that way, and that she even tries to gain their approval by talking trash about the beautiful sex you two get to have together. Or no, either way it was gross as fuck. I've been married for 21+ years. I mean i think you can talk it out?? It shouldnt be that way forever, and hopefully it isnt one day. To at least one person. If it were me, I would let her know that she needs to consider how this would be handled if the roles were reversed. They didnt hear me come into the kitchen. If she did "accidentally" let it slip that you're bi, why did she continue talking with them about your sexuality in any context? If you can't own up to what you're doing in the bedroom, you aren't mature enough to be doing it. The only reason you know of this disrespect is because you accidentally heard them saying stuff behind your back? She said that was why she made the comment about thinking about Tom during some things we do sexually because she felt they were judging her for being with me. Suggest you stay away for a bit and do some thinking about what you want and whether its possible for her to mend this damage and that you can accept her behavior and forgive her. Who cares. Im one of the long time married people commenting in this sub. NOBODY SHOULD TALK LIKE THAT ABOUT ANYONE. She shouldnt care what others think of her or you, let alone talk about you negatively behind your back. Picking that moment to be the center of attention? One of my wifes friends was fairly insistent about her divorcing me but honestly it came from a genuine place, its a weird situation and if you cant see how happy we are, I cant blame you for not getting it. If I were OP, the answer to this would play a big part in how/whether I wanted to proceed in the relationship. Take some you time and work out where you are that's your starting point my man edit good luck. If it was truly a complete accident, she wouldn't continue joking about it with them. That's awful. She's probably said more and worse in the past two years the women have known. Individual counseling to help you sort your own thoughts out, how to convey them to your partner, etc. This is what her and her friends did to you. 3. It sounds more like it's a matter of comfort and trust. Your wife's unfortunate refusal to do the same speaks to her character too. So I became kind of a joke and was constantly approached by family and friends, which didnt contributed at all for my stress level. Thats so tough. German Husband let Young Boy Fuck his Wife in Threesome 14:30. Good luck and I do feel for you. You have a couple of children and a good life up until now. Good luck mate I hope you're able to get through this with no drama. I don't thibk this calls for a divorce but itw definitely a violation of trust and deserves to be handled as a serious issue not a minor mistake. After some investigation the the psychologist and clinic consensus was that my mind was f***ed up. You don't have to let it go. Its very helpful to be able to be open about everything with our friends, cause it makes our open marriage life so much easier without having to keep it secret and hidden, so Im really sorry that you guys have to keep your bisexuality such a secret. Do good anyway. I think that you need a good week to try and think about how you feel, how you're going to be able to contain the gossip and how you move forward with the wife . You seem like you are happy in your relationship (prior to this obviously) and wanting to find a way to work through this and I feel like a lot of counseling is the only way it could possibly happen. Otoh keeping this secret is what gives it power - power over you. She said she thought about him and thinks they were young and made stupid mistakes. They honestly seem jealous if they care that much about what you enjoy sexually. Most of it was on alt accounts he made. To me, this is a divorce-level event because you will never trust her again. To her, you're the butt of the joke. My step-dad said, "I feel like I always have to watch what I have to say, and I shouldn't have to worry about . Especially the two narrow minded ones, All these comments already have good points, I just wanna add that you should definitely take your time. Why should he have to tell the whole world his sexuality? She told her friends some of your kinks gross her out, and then told them she fantasizes about her ex-boyfriend while you fuck her. Own who you are and youll feel so much better. You must not lose faith in humanity. First up outing someone is never good an apology can be made for that but not the making you less than convo you heard. Your wife needs some new friends. Right now is the time for your wife to stand by you. I have one person I talk to sometimes about my gf. She might actually be into the stuff you guys do but is pressured by her friends to be a shitty person. Like who knows what other shitty conversations she participated in, especially since this isn't the first time they've expressed this kind of thinking. Don't let her victimize herself or try and guilt trip you. She knows shes an ass, and her friends know their actions were trash. Weirdly enough, weve never gotten any negative feedback from our closest friends. If you are honest, people may cheat you. This was really jarring. If you need more time to yourself, take it. You're married to the person who should MOST be on your side and she has completely betrayed you for a fucking laugh. It's tough because that level of betrayal is seriously enraging, but, do you throw away a good thing? Anything she says in the moment right now can't be trusted because she'll do or say whatever it takes to keep you. Do you believe what she told you? 2. I might not go as far as to say shes only sorry she got caught, but the current reaction is definitely because she got caught. Get your better halves and get the fuck out of my house I sniped as I tipped my fedora and winked at my wifes hottest friend who was clearly impressed by my rage erection that had partially split the seam in my relaxed fit Levi 501s. I think you should try to work this out. She immediately started apologizing and saying she loves me and it was drunk girl talk and she didnt mean anything. She broke your trust, plain and simple. Her to like the same shit you go?? If you love her at your core, and want to work through it then work but it doesn't have to happen quickly or on any schedule. We may discuss, ask for suggestions, etc., but we don't laugh about one of us outing someone (not that we'd care) and trashing their sex life. You poor man, I so want to give you a hug. I know that your * secret life * is very personal to you, but not many people will be concerned or even bothered about your sexuality. Same! Think about you right now, and what you want. Who cares if she feels pressured by her friends to make fun of your sexuality or thinking about Tom, she either has shitty friends or she needs to take accountability for her actions and learn to grow up. She criticized him and tried to get me to break up with him. Peter Bridgens, 72, from Birmingham, started his tattoo suit at the age of 36 and took him As an aside, in tandem I would "shore up" the masculine vibe (I'm reluctant to say it, but if shes confronted with sommething she may traditionally view as feminine then it will prove a great juxtaposition if you are more "direct and masculine" while shes going through this priocess). She hurt you fucking badly. I think you handled that really well. You might want to discuss that during counselling, or maybe with a therapist. Not the act itself. Your sex life sounds amazing. He was on your side even after hearing a biased version of events, went out of his way to let you know what happened was wrong to him as well and show you support. Your wives friends are just horrible little Voltures and spineless cowards, definitely go have that drink with your friend and have some time to just calm down and have a break from this shit show. I honestly don't know if your marriage can survive this. Forgive them anyway. Your wife betrayed your trust by sharing private details about your sexual preferences with other people. People do stupid shit. The fact she cares more about her homophobic friends opinions of her than her relationship with her partner says a lot. Thats pretty telling. She also needs to put her friends in their place or look for better friends. Ask her about it, give her the space to openly address it and dually try and understand why she feels that way as well as highlighting why you two are together. Wasnt even going to bring it up to her or get upset she didnt tell me. That's just me, though. Also arrange some couple counseling and talk it all through. Do you actually believe that she didn't have any agency? I don't think you will recover from this. Im a bisexual guy, I like guys strictly sexually. Listen, Ive been a shit-faced alcoholic in my early 20s. Anyone that believes stay for the kids has literally never had any experience as a kid whos parents stayed for them. This isn't your fault. Good luck and I do feel for you. Be kind anyway. As long as you are honest with yourself then it will all work out. How disgusting can she be? If it was truly an accident, she shouldn't keep talking about it, she should always just say "I fucked up in telling you that. If after you calm down you still feel like being together, I would even consider moving out. At 31 years old! After reading this post, I was so shocked I seen this as the first comment but was also laughing badly. Your wife just served up a huge plate of steaming crap and it is you who has to eat it. She and her boyfriend did it regularly. Couple of things: I have a very close group of girlfriends. Oh theyre judgmental so I wanted to fit in why do you wanna fit in with these people who dont respect the person you love most? I dont know what to do. I would keep notes about what's promised and then see what she manages to do about it going forward (should you decide to stay with her). Things that concern only you two she turn into an open truth and open truths she kept from you. Thank you. This crap has been swimming around for TWO FUCKING YEARS. So she's been hiding this for a couple years instead of letting him in on all the jokes behind his back. But 2 years later she is still talking about your most sacred aspect of your personal life, by filling in her friends on the most private part of your life. Your wife is a pretty disgusting person. Here are some examples: I know you and I have different views on sexuality, but I love my husband and will not stand to hear him be talked about in this manner., My husband is not gay, please stop insinuating he is. subject change, Yeah, I dont think thats funny. (Or just not laughing and keeping a stone cold face until the others get uncomfortable), Thats actually not your business, lets talk about something else., I am uncomfortable talking about this, lets talk about something else., Your wife gave into the toxicity of her friends and that doesnt make her a better person for it even if she really doesnt think that way. She needs to know that what she did was hurtful and unacceptable, and you deserve an apology not only from her, but from her fucking idiot friends too. This right here. Dude, she needs to recognize that her violation of your trust is incredibly bad. Now, your situation is different because you are married and have children. Will you ever be able to trust her with any important information again? She has been entertaining this for two years because she can't control her mouth when she's drinking. Outing you accidentally is one thing, but there are a load of major no-nos here. Shes the one the initiates that kind of sex (pegging, butt play, d/s stuff.none of which is exclusive to bi men btw) most the time! Sounds like shes really sorry. If you can't trust someone with your sexuality - you aren't going to trust them with anything else that matters to you, there will always be something keeping you from sharing your full self with them. Your marriage is between the two of you. Add on the fact that her friends were telling her that Tom was in town - thats another reason she needs to drop the problematic friends. Therefore I would talk to her about her views on it and, if necessary, go to couples therapy on this. They'll only hear "he likes sex with men. So she made you the butt of their jokes eventho she actively takes part in your sexlife and enjoys it. Honestly the only advice I have is to go for that beer with your friend, he seems to be the only one in the situation treating you decently. In that space is our power to choose our response. Remind her of this without judging. How would she feel, how would she react, etc. The guys almost definitely do not give a fuck. We have good jobs that the pandemic didnt effect too much. She violated your trust in one of the worst possible ways and there really isn't any way to walk it back, The thing that sucks the most is that now that there was a blowupthose judgmental friends who she told about your sexualitywill be running their mouths to all their other friends and coworkers and more and more people will be told something you never wanted shared. personally id be filing for divorce right away, being outed alone can be dangerous let alone your own partner then further breaking your trust by cracking jokes about your sexuality. And her dissing your sexual needs to her friends and I truly understand that it was very hurtful and disrespectful to you and your marriage. She sounds sorry and your marriage is great, so maybe dont listen too carefully to all the people telling you to get a divorce. When the bi thing slipped, she should have told you. I want to know how shes going to deal with her friends going forward. I bet you can still hold your head high with them. It doesn't matter if her friends judge her for things - she needs to stand up for you as her husband. I don't think she is disinterested in the guy, but I will say I don't tolerate that kind of weakness. Hubby is under the bus & she's driving over him again & again unnecessarily! Letting your orientation slip to her friends is one thing, if she was drunk and it was an accident that's understandable, but it wasn't an accident to make fun of you behind your back to her homophobe friends. Her calling it bi shit, begrudgingly doing it, thinking of someone else. 1.) At the end of the day, passion doesnt make a partner, love care (a bit of passion/good sex) and commitment do. It really crossed the line is never good an apology can be more honest one. World his sexuality ban alcohol from your spouse this is what her and her friends instead of him... She & # x27 ; t told me married people commenting in this sub to seem cool she! 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