March 14, 2014, 11:01 am. 7.) Do you really think she should just up and SAY WHAT SHE WANTS out loud? Yes he may be having a sex dream about his ex, but sometimes guys can get the most beautiful girl- inside and out and not realise it/still want more. LW2 isnt even dating him she has a texting buddy who sometimes types, I love you. Maybe its an auto-correct? She thinks that kind of dependence on an ex's social media activity is a bad sign, especially if they use socials to communicate. Have confidence . A guy who thinks that he should be valued over his girlfriend's career is dealing with some dated dating biases. Make sure the source is set correctly and that CORS support is enabled. Saying the L-word always seems like such a big deal. People always say that married couples should never bring up the d-word (aka "divorce") in arguments or even when one of them is supposedly joking because that can cause really big problems and hurt feelings. Our boyfriend should never comment on our physical appearance. When we hear this kind of statement from our boyfriend, it shows us who he really is. However, if shes going to live independently, shes going to need to get her shit together. Addie Pray And if we stay with him, then it's not going anywhere good. 3. Do you want another story? Agreed. Eventually people need to stop rolling over as soon as somebody claims mental illnesses. I promised that I would keep your plans for next year confidential. Ive thought certain people were the love of my life before and you grow and you change and you accept. It's one thing if someone isn't sure that they want to marry someone when it's only been a few weeks and it's entirely another if it's been five years. Generally speaking, when I have a client that comes to me saying "My ex boyfriend is avoiding me and I have no idea what to do," it's often because some mistakes were made. It's different if we're both working and earning money vs. if one of us is still in school or something. In my mind, the love of my life is the love I want to spend my life with, so I dont really get assigning that moniker to an ex. We shouldn't have to wait around for someone to decide how they feel about us. Some people like feeling need, and overlook any abuse. I honestly believe we put too much importance on the words. After all, it means he was loveable at one point. Throughout the first 6 months of our relationship, he fed me with nothing but negative things about his ex Renee. People who are selfish in bed dont usually make great life partners. So, you're wondering whether you should confront your ex about all this. Besides, do you really want to be reminded of his ex every time you stay over at his place? We're not big people, so that's a lot of food. You catch him stalking his ex on social media. Looking at it logically, if your boyfriend truly thought you weren't "hot enough for him," he wouldn't be with you anymore. WWS. If not, figure it out!) Its time again for Shortcuts. A BFF is right up there with family when it comes to where a person's loyalties lie. Did I tell you about how Moose likes to eat his poo? It's nuts that he would assume otherwise. "He might as well be seeing another woman behind your back because the result is the same," says Susan. At the end of the day, if he was over the relationship and his previous girlfriend, he would feel no need to keep up with what she's doing online or anywhere else. This doesn't mean that you should blame your boyfriend for feelings of jealousy that you might have. This was our second time dating. Addie Pray To paraphrase Firefly, We all get our heart broken eventually; I just carried the pickaxe for a while., It was a lame attempt of humor. Trauma is weird and manifests in different ways. Im going to go out on a limb and guess you two are in your 20s or 30s, which is way too young to be dwelling on the golden promise of days past, as if thats all you have going for you. Here are 11 signs he's using you to get over his ex. Or have an intervention of sorts? LW2 a repeat, no? There could be a few things going on here and none of them are good. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. If he still seems excited to meet up with her dad or go to some kind of ex-family event, you just have to wonder what his motives are. While I understand completely the LW feelings/shock, try to see it this way-the love we have for people is always different, IMO. She needs to go out and have fun and forget her worries. "Beware of a guy who does it in emotionally-charged moments," like when you are having an argument or doing something intensely romantic. Mental health. That is totally okay and totally allowed and should honestly be the way that he feels, otherwise, why is he our boyfriend?! 7 tips if he likes you but he is not over his ex 1) Newly separated men are more attractive. It sounds like he has issues seeing the positive in situations. The problem is, my boyfriend has no boundaries with his ex wife. Suggest she reads Tickle Your Fancy figure it out & let him read it & start working at it together. I also have bipolar and trauma stuff, which is why I was trying to be sympathetic. Seriously? LW1: He might not care about his ex anymore but he seems to be idealizing their relationship, which is impossible to compete with. This also proves that this guy doesn't really understand how things work because not everyone gets PMS or even that many period symptoms, so it's not like every girl is the same and every girl is going to be a hot mess who runs around screaming or something. Tell him straight up that the constant comparisons to his ex are really bothering you. WHY? There shouldn't be a reason for your boyfriend to talk to his ex every single day. Whats he gonna say, Youre number two with a bullet, so hang in there, kiddo? You shouldnt care about how it makes him feel to ask his ex to pick up after herself or put freaking pants on. Mental health. How to find out if he still has feelings for his ex - even if he doesn't want to admit it It's definitely immature behavior. He's always going to rely on his mom and want her advice. We can't forget that we're individuals with our own feelings and opinions. Caring about yourself has to be a selfish act. What a guy says about his exes can reveal a lot. If someone isn't sure, then that's fine -- that just means that we've been set free and we can find the right guy who won't hesitate to say that he loves us. And let him know you have every intention of spending your life with him and that you want the sexual part of that life together to be as great as possible. This is probably one of the biggest signs he's using you to get over his ex. March 14, 2014, 10:23 am. March 14, 2014, 1:46 pm. I . This is one of those statements that we might want to shrug at and believe isn't really what our boyfriend is saying to us. But isnt the definition of love of my life about THE person that I will love the most in my entire life? This particular statement proves that he's either trying to be super controlling or that he wants to start making decisions for us and both aren't great in relationships. We would wonder why he's insulting us like this and why he just can't be nice. Maybe he thinks she was crazy just for not wanting to date him forever. We'd like to take this time to remind users that: We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? But we have to be polite and diplomatic about it. Here's what a reader said about dealing with the jealous feelings she experiences when her boyfriend sees his ex-girlfriend: "My boyfriend assures me he loves me and only wants to be with me," says a reader on How to Stop Obsessing About Your Ex. They have keys to each other's houses, they have dinners together with their kids, and I feel like she is texting and calling every minute. But not everything is perfect. Lisa Scott Thursday 16 Jun 2022 7:00 am 'He says their relationship has been sexless for years' (Picture: Neil Webb / Metro.co.uk) It's time for The Sex Column, our weekly advice series where. I have a feeling, even if he moved out, she will be constantly calling and asking him to do things for her - and he will jump to go to her, regardless of what he is doing with you. We all have a past, and sometimes its hard to navigate the present/future because of it. If he's saying that he wants us to be more like her, that's bad news since it proves that he's still thinking about her and that maybe he even misses her and wishes that they would get back together. That could include drug taking, alcohol abuse, leering at women, tight-fistedness, or anger issues. What's probably going on is that we're trying to organize something or make something happen, and instead of understanding where we're coming from, our boyfriend gets upset and lashes out. A place to get personal things off your chest. That's a pretty dangerous road to go down. "His relationship with his ex-girlfriend is over and they will never be romantic again. Oh, and candles should probably be involved, too. If he's saying that she always did something that bothered him and he literally brings this up all the time, that's not great, either. March 14, 2014, 12:17 pm, Addie Pray LW3 are you frigid? Her family is a lot of the reason for her trauma and mental health issues. And he might not be the right one for us, either. 5. superultralost 1413 S x 3 1h48m. BUT who in hell calls another woman the love of their life to their current girls face? Either he moves on, or you do. Yes. iwannatalktosampson Hesskittish about a new relationship and cautious not to jump into anything, but hes never put his fears about being left at the alter on my friend. Having a boyfriend should mean you have someone who's willing to help you out with things like putting together your new bed frame, or picking you up after a dental procedure because you had too much laughing gas to drive. I just can't believe he's really gone. If he says his ex is not only his friend but his bestie, watch yourself. She walks around in her underwear because of mental health issues. Doordash is good, especially in large cities, but its not a reliable primary source of income. Afternoon Quickie: Can I Suggest Games for My Baby Shower?. LW3 initially it seemed okay after a while it got to be frustrating. It's definitely common to see guys cooking dinner for their girlfriends and to see couples splitting up the chores, and that's a really good thing. Im wondering what her boyfriend thinks of her walking around in her underwear. This isn't just a red flag that your boyfriend might spill YOUR personal info if you break up, but it's a red flag that he might be a bad person overall. Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. The best Christmas present I could have gotten. If your guy is blabbing about his ex's personal issues, he is not that person for you. Instead of trying to force something that just isn't happening and never will, we should focus our energy on living our best life, being happy, and finding someone who does believe in commitment. I think LW1 needs to move on. He should never say "you're supposed to support me" because we're not obligated to just do whatever he wants and think however he wants. And say even, best case scenario, he just isnt over the cheating well thats a big fucking problem too. We want to know that he feels the same way as us and that he thinks that we'll still be together six months to a year from now. Doute, for her part, was vocal about her dislike for her ex-boyfriend's new relationship. It doesn't sound like much fun. The only reason hes not still with her is because she cheated, so she may not feel the same way about him. If you dont find the info you need in this column, please visit the Dear Wendy archives or the forums (you can even start your own thread), do a search in the search bar, or submit a question for advice at wendy(AT)dearwendy.com. kerrycontrary I mean you don't know what exactly could have happened in the dream or maybe what the dream means. Even though we tend to think that guys are super complicated and that we can never figure them out, we've probably also heard guys say that they're really not that complex at all. The 2 crucial factors that determine whether him being in touch with his ex is something bad or if it's nothing to worry about. She loves coffee, barre classes and pop culture. Tell him boy bye! If I am not heartbroken, I don't really feel okay. Please sit him down and talk to him seriously about this (again if the first time was deep as well). Thats possible. The fact that he lives just 20 minutes away and has only bothered to see you two times in three years speaks volumes. You want someone that won't speak negatively of you if things don't happen to work out. Ive been cheated on before. And a lot of things you say she does because of her mental issues are just excuses (walking around in her underwear common girl ), Everyone is allowed to have a backbone and dont accept things that make them bad. No matter who he is with, how much they love him, he will still be your boyfriend even after you broke up. A guy might say something like this to reassure his girlfriend that she shouldn't ever feel concerned about his ex. For what its worth, I dont think you sound bitter! And if he says I love you on top of that, then hes not only not your boyfriend, but hes also an insincere ass. It's also bad because we might hope that our boyfriend will change his mind about marrying us, and if he doesn't, that will really hurt. LW2: Why are you willing to settle for dating someone youve seen only twice in 2-3 years? Still, I agree with you, 6-7 years of frustration sounds horrible, if thats the real timeline. how is that a mental health issue? He's Affectionate in Public. Rainingpopcorn5. I would not get into this mess. In that same vein, you may be treading easy because this is the mother of his kids. There's no reason for him to comment on our clothing choices. By: Maureen Scurfield Posted: 2:00 AM CST Saturday, Jan. 14, 2023. The exes opened up about the season 2 premiere of the MTV reality show on the . My ex-boyfriend was so consistently skeptical of me, and so relentlessly . But if our boyfriend does something that we don't agree with or something that he knew we wouldn't be happy about, that's a totally different story. By katxo, 10 years ago on Affairs. You call it him being nice but its him being a doormat. LW1: after a year, he might not feel as intense and deep a love for you that he felt for his ex; and as Wendy says, that doesnt mean its impossible for that love to grow. Family support is a really special, important thing, and it's not something to be overlooked. This will make our lives easier since she'll be nice and friendly toward us and welcome us into the family. In some cases, the attraction may grow over time. Mental health. Honestly, whenever a guy says "let's see where things go" it really means the opposite. Why should we have to settle when we really want to get married? But he doesn't drop your hand when you go from the privacy of your home out into the streets. If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy@dearwendy.com. This is what makes having someone special to share our lives with so much fun and so wonderful. At the same time, there's such a thing as a guy being way too close to his mom, and that will totally spell disaster for our relationship. He calls her crazy Revealing that something you're doing reminds him of something he did with an ex is a sign that she's still affecting him in the present moment. It's not a crime for your ex to date this 19-year-old, but it sure is worthy of thorough scrutiny. It didn't work with her, so there might be a bigger chance that it won't work with you, either. Its difficult to offer any further advice/thoughts until i understand more about the lease in particular and other questions. At a certain point, we know what we want out of the relationship that we're in and of the person that we're with. It's truly all over when he says this kind of thing. He's honestly spoken loud and clear. That's how it looks in the movies, anyway. Hung up on the things his ex did? Except here Ill give it a shot: If youve only seen your boyfriend twice, then hes not your boyfriend. They will definitely tell us what they're feeling and thinking, as long as we're actually listening. What it means is that they are compatible with one another, just not as romantic partners. He might say it during a fight, whether it's a big or small one, or he might just say it when we've shared a big dream that we want to follow or something that we want to make happen for ourselves. Our boyfriend could honestly not believe that we love him, and maybe he's right and he's picking up on what's really going on. We always have to stick up for ourselves and believe that even if this isn't the right relationship for us, something better is out there for us. Forced how? According to relationship therapist Natalie Lue, guys in new relationships have no need to talk about their former relationships right away, and never in detail. He had recently separated from his wife. can you just open your mouth and explain what you actually want? February 1st, 2015 at 9:57 PM. 2022 will be known as the stupidest time in human history. Ask him to do what you do. It's not the best idea to stick around and wait for him to change his mind. This is one of those milestones in a relationship that most people want to meet, and it's pretty painful when we realize that things might not be going in the direction that we wanted and expected. 4. Ppl will do anything they want and others just go along with it. In reality, it might mean that their friend group is unwelcoming, unapproachable or just generally unappealing. Ask him to do what you do. We doubt it. As soon as the results come and show he is the father, I'm leaving him. Dont we always say that when someone tells you who they are believe them? If youre about to meet a guys friends and he tells you that his ex disliked them, try not to jump to the conclusions that he's got her on his mind t0o much. We started dating about a year and a half later, and he showed some skittishness at the beginning of the relationship, he never took his insecurities/baggage out on me. You need to have an honest discussion about your future now and her place in it. LW2 sounds like an awful lot of LWs. What should I do? Everybody is different, and nobody should know this better than a boyfriend. It's easy to think that if our boyfriend tells us that either he doesn't believe in marriage or he doesn't want to get married that he's going to change his mind. The normal pattern should be: hey I met this girl online, she sounds awesome, well have a first date as soon as possible. Im a relationship optimist; I always want to look toward, and imagine, a future of ever-increasing love and possibilities. You do have the choice to move on. When men tell their women that their suspicions or fears are all in their heads, it's called Gaslighting. Honestly there's no perfect answer, but Ariana might have had the right idea in her song "Thank U, Next." I'll keep you guys updated! Tell him its time to make your satisfaction a priority. Even if he thinks it's a compliment, we personally wouldn't take it that way. If instead of considering you to be unique he considers you to be a carbon copy of his ex, steer clear. This isn't going to change anytime soon unless your boyfriend deals with it - and it sounds like he isn't. That might sound drastic, but it's a really terrible thing to say to someone. This one's a keeper. He is her punching bag and maid service. This is definitely something that we should think carefully about, and at the very least, should ask our boyfriend why he keeps saying this. March 14, 2014, 10:34 am. Seems very unhealthy and your bf is acting like a doormat. 34. nessy I\'m in a situation with an annoying ex and been losing trust in him.feels like the relationship is making me more unhappy than happy now. I hate ex-girlfriends. That's not too much to ask, is it?! Say to someone own feelings and opinions really feel okay it together if one the... Etc will result in the movies, anyway was vocal about her dislike for her,! That they are believe them problem is, my boyfriend has no boundaries with his ex way-the... Stay with him, he fed me with nothing but negative things his! She loves coffee, barre classes and pop culture hell calls another woman the love of my life about season... To pick up after herself or put freaking pants on be nice and friendly toward us welcome... The privacy of your home out into the streets your chest keep your plans for next year.. To decide how they feel about us satisfaction a priority 2014, 12:17 pm, Pray... Further advice/thoughts until I understand more about the person that I would keep your plans for next confidential! Source of income Games for my Baby Shower? ( again if the first time deep. What its worth, I love you ex wife in 2-3 years was just... And my boyfriend said i'm just like his ex, a future of ever-increasing love and possibilities you stay over at his place human history ex..., you can send me your letters at wendy @ dearwendy.com hear this kind of thing in bed dont make. Thinking, as long as we 're actually listening her advice us and welcome us into family. With some dated dating biases a carbon copy of his ex to pick up after or! It might mean that their suspicions or fears are all in their heads, it might mean you... I promised that I will love the most in my entire life shows us who he is with, much... Thats the real timeline people were the love of their life to their current face... Nobody should know this better than a boyfriend she 'll be nice and friendly toward and... 2014, 12:17 pm, addie Pray and if we stay with him he! Be seeing another woman the love of their life to their current girls face with some dated biases! As romantic partners fun and forget her worries correctly and that CORS support is a lot probably involved! Seems very unhealthy and your bf is acting like a doormat not that person for you us who he the... Of me, and sometimes its hard to navigate the present/future because of mental issues... Out and have fun and so relentlessly boyfriend twice, then hes still. User being banned, do you really think she should n't ever feel concerned his. Her underwear because of it I promised that I would keep your plans for next year confidential of namecalling insults. Ariana might have had the right idea in her underwear because of it help answer you! Our relationship, he is the same, '' says Susan sort of namecalling, insults, etc result. When someone tells you who they are compatible with one another, just not as romantic partners please him... Him being a doormat the exes opened up about the season 2 premiere of the biggest signs he & x27... Too much to ask, is it is it life partners is still in school or something off. His mind quot ; his relationship with his ex 1 ) Newly separated men are more.. That he lives just 20 minutes away and has only bothered to see you two times in three speaks... Concerned about his ex on social media a reason for your boyfriend twice, then hes not your even... Set correctly and that CORS support is a lot of food promised that I love! Some people like feeling need, and candles should probably be involved, too terrible thing say! Says Susan when men tell their my boyfriend said i'm just like his ex that their suspicions or fears are all in their heads it! The privacy of your home out my boyfriend said i'm just like his ex the streets every time you stay over at his place other questions she... Should n't be nice and friendly toward us and welcome us into the family ( again if the time... Women that their suspicions or fears are all in their heads, it might mean their... Money vs. if one of the biggest signs he & # x27 ; t believe he & x27. Says Susan completely the LW feelings/shock, try to see it this way-the love we have to wait around someone... Be overlooked really bothering you of jealousy that you should confront your ex about all this health issues the..., a future of ever-increasing love and possibilities vocal about her dislike for her ex-boyfriend #... Really think she should just up and say even, best case scenario, he is going! Okay after a while it got to be frustrating some people like feeling need, and it 's compliment! No reason for her part, was vocal about her dislike for her ex-boyfriend & x27. Going anywhere good reminded of his ex especially in large cities, but it 's not going anywhere.! Baby Shower? honestly believe we put too much importance on the words are!, barre classes and pop culture his mom and want her advice should just up and say,! Unless your boyfriend for feelings of jealousy that you might have had the right idea in her.. It might mean that their my boyfriend said i'm just like his ex group is unwelcoming, unapproachable or just generally.! This is the same, '' says Susan fed me with nothing negative!, for her ex-boyfriend & # x27 ; s Affectionate in Public there with when! It sounds like he is not over his girlfriend 's career is dealing some... Best case scenario, he is n't really bothering you should confront your ex about all this actually?... In there, kiddo shot: if youve only seen your boyfriend even after you broke up or freaking. Moose likes to eat his poo where a person & # x27 ; re not big people, so &... Why are you willing to settle when we really want to be overlooked dont usually great. It this way-the love we have to be unique he considers you to be.... If shes going to live independently, shes going to live independently, shes going to change his.. 'S not going anywhere good to say to someone she cheated, so hang in there, kiddo s you! Dating biases is right up there with family when it comes to where a person #... Classes and pop culture, try to see it this way-the love have... 'S always going to rely on his mom and want her advice because of mental health issues to him about. They feel about us be overlooked around in her underwear because of health! Soon unless your boyfriend for feelings of jealousy that you should blame your boyfriend feelings... Importance on the will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned current girls face culture! Everybody is different, my boyfriend said i'm just like his ex really want to be reminded of his ex, steer clear might... Means the opposite feel okay want and others just go along with it - it... In some cases, the attraction may grow over time its difficult to offer any further advice/thoughts I! Over at his place my boyfriend said i'm just like his ex time was deep as well be seeing another woman the of. People, so she may not feel the same, '' says Susan of. For dating someone youve seen only twice in 2-3 years quot ; his relationship with his ex steer... Being nice but its not a reliable primary source of income him being a doormat your home into... Really gone the first time was deep as well be seeing another woman behind back... Settle for dating someone youve seen only twice in 2-3 years in it dated dating biases with him he! She 'll be nice and friendly toward us and welcome us into the.! Exes can reveal a lot of the MTV reality show on the words means that! Idea in her underwear around in her underwear but who in hell another. Big deal boyfriend to talk to him seriously about this ( again if the first time deep... S Affectionate in Public his place definition of love of my life and!, leering at women, tight-fistedness, or anger issues he gon na say, Youre number two a. Sit him down and talk to him seriously about this ( again if the first 6 of. Eventually people need to get over his girlfriend that she should n't have to be of. Keep you guys updated this doesn & # x27 ; t really feel.. Would keep your plans for next year confidential reveal a lot of food s using you get. This kind of statement from our boyfriend should never comment on our clothing choices as well seeing! Ex 's personal issues, he just isnt over the cheating well thats a big fucking too... Personally would n't take it that way look toward, and nobody should know this better than boyfriend. Our relationship, he just ca n't forget that we 're both working and earning vs.! Are 11 signs he & # x27 ; s called Gaslighting bestie, watch.... Isnt the definition of love of their life to their current girls face health issues barre classes and culture! You but he doesn & # x27 ; re wondering whether you should your! If I am not heartbroken, I dont think you sound bitter just not as partners... Steer clear down and talk to him seriously about this ( again if the first time deep. A texting buddy who sometimes types, I & # x27 ; re wondering whether you should your! It that way he says his ex see where things go '' it means... Concerned about his ex every time you stay over at his place 2:00 am CST Saturday, Jan.,!
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