Regarding the differences in popularity, aside from any differences in the merits of the practices, I'll note that Rosenberg spent decades living out of a suitcase, traveling the world, sharing NVC with anyone who would listen. Its easier to associate with our own inner wisdom about what works for us. For the record, I think that one can in NVC express anger as one would any other emotion (and doing so might sound fairly similar to your Clean Talk examples). Through proven brand-building strategies, we position companies for success on the journey from brand awareness to brand loyalty. So for example, if you want to spend more time with friends, but your significant other wont budge on giving her blessing, you might say, Im going to start spending every Saturday morning with them, and then follow through on that action. Thats how I apply NVC, with regard to interpretations and moralistic judgments. Its a bit of an odd practice, and requires some practice to do skillfully, but it can be effective. Also particularly striking in that work is the use of questions which can surface assumptions in ways that sometimes powerfully transform conflicts. Please feel free to discard whatever is not useful to you. Communication inherently involves discernment in choosing what to speak about and what to omit. Oftentimes, you may think youre getting your message across to your significant other, but the result is a big miscommunication. You say "What strikes me most about this practice is that it attempts to hide what we're really feeling from the other person, which seems to me a form of deception. I respectfully disagree. But blanket condemnations of your partners character are anathema to a loving relationship. Price: US $24.84. CleanTalk Inc | 63 followers on LinkedIn. 4 Reasons Why "Clean Talk Communication" is Important During some of my recent coaching sessions, I have both noticed my clients leaning toward wordiness and/or my clients would have to address wordiness in others. The best for a personal blog or small or medium size business website. (NVC, p.110). Cleantech Communication is the preeminent consultancy for trailblazing cleantech businesses serious about. However, standard NVC training doesn't always lead to people knowing how to apply NVC effectively and in a balanced way in the context of getting things done. And, I have occasionally had experiences of people making concrete requests in ways that did seem to narrow the conversation to a limited set of options in a way I didnt enjoy. And if so, could you be more specific about what you would like to have shared, and what it would do for you if that happened? For NVC to offer rigid rules would not be congruent with the type of attitudes NVC hopes to foster in its practitioners. Would you be wiling to tell me what youre hearing me say?. The logic for steering away from interpretations seems to me less universally relevant than does the logic for avoiding moralistic judgments. What is Clean Talk TM ? It is presumed that it is necessary to motivate people extrinsically, and that it makes sense to coerce people to do things that they dont intrinsically want to do. You mention Rosenberg's "suggestion that we guess what the other person is feeling and needing, which seems to assume the other person isn't capable of describing it, and therefore rather condescending." If you get contact email spam, comment, registration or other spam messages, it's time to add spam protection to your website. The NVC practitioner refers to something likely to meet the NVC criteria for being considered a need, something that they imagine may have the effect on a conversation that NVC-style needs are intended to have. It's certainly true that when we are angry, we have less access to our "higher" thought centers. And, at the same time, I get stressed when what I expected to have happen doesnt. You write "Dr. Rosenberg appears to consider only the most negative of these definitions as the meaning of a judgment essentially, to equate judgment with condemnation. At the same time, as real as this danger is, I want to also honor that NVC aspires to support people in transforming the way they relate to life at a deep level, not just the way they speak, and that at times NVC can be movingly effective in producing this result. With those who dont know NVC, its a way of inviting them into our non-blaming conversational frame. Having gone through this process, you now express whats up for you: There isnt anger expressed in this, but only because after the processing, anger is no longer the dominant emotion being felt. Your visitors are more loyal and not annoyed guessing characters or puzzles. You quote Chapman Flack saying, "[Dr. Rosenberg's] advice never to hear thoughts . It may be helpful to review what I said above about what the technical term need refers to in NVC. I notice that I seem triggered, and I interpret this to mean this interaction is reminding me of some unhealed pain from the past. What are the principles of clean communication? You continue, "Anger is a signal that a boundary has been crossed. It is the norm for some people to get their way (superficially) and for others to submit, or for overt or covert rebellion to happen. Cloud & invisible spam protection for websites. If this is a visitor, the comment will be published. establishes a speech rule under which matters of concern or dispute common and important among serious people may be inexpressible, dismissed, and unheard and note that this leaves "no way to express disagreement with the model itself.. If wrong carries these association, NVCs advice to be wary of moralistic language would apply, simply as an invitation to consider more deeply whether this way of thinking about things helps create the sort of world youd like to live in. The example you give of a request seems too vague to serve as a useful NVC request. There is a topic in NVC called connection requests, which unfortunately isnt addressed in the book you read. CleanTalk has one of the biggest spam activity database of IP/email addresses. MFP write that the basic message of a threat is: youre bad and Im going to punish you. Its a way of trying to compel desired behavior, but since it shuts down the whole discussion, even if it works in the short term, the underlying issue will remain unresolved. This is likely to take some processing. Our support of GRID Alternatives goes to training opportunities for women looking to jumpstart or advance their renewable energy career. I recommend to my NVC students that they not use the word need when attempting to speak using NVC, to help avoid this pitfall. Other NVC practitioners have had enough experiences like this that they didn't enjoy, that they have gotten to a point where they overcompensate in the other direction, and avoid using their connection skills in settings where people are trying to get things done. That orientation towards fighting tends to be associated with a belief that a moral contract has been violated. I hope that writing this will help crystalize my own thinking, and be a contribution to you. The physiological response suggests that on some level we've made a judgment that fighting might be an appropriate response. (Disagreements happen at the level of concrete strategies for trying to meet needs; not at the level of the needs themselves.) Our service allows you to focus your time on developing and improving the website and business, without being distracted by extraneous tasks. Create sincere, inviting body language by relaxing your face, making warm eye contact, leaning forward, keeping your arms uncrossed, and nodding to show youre listening. If the latter, it may spell the end; clean communication offers the best possible chance of relationship success, but doesnt guarantee it if you just arent right for each other. We'll get back to you as soon as possible. It certainly wasn't about blocking the flow of judgments for him. . Its written by men (one of which runs a mens support group) and includes lots of concrete, useful, practical tips. There is trust and experience that positive things can happen with way less coercion than is conventionally thought necessary. But when you lead with that blame, the instigator will instantly erect walls of defensiveness that will make working through the issue together impossible. One example of this is that excess focus on thinking can be risky at times, in the relational realm, but abstract thought is essential to teaching. This framework offers a reliable basis for seeing beauty and nobility in all people and in every part of our psyche an intellectual framework that, when it is exercised fully, inevitably leads people to experience love and compassion. Clean Talk can afford to be more restrictive in how it defines feelings since saying thats not a pure feeling simply changes how the idea gets expressed, not whether it gets expressed. Early on, I offer an overview of some aspects of NVC, then move on to more detailed responses to points raised in the originally essay. It would be better to say, Ive been waiting here for 20 minutes. However, NVC notes some risks in expressing things in this way, and offers guidance as to how one might reduce those risks. After a true transformation, the (moralistic) judgment is gone, replaced by a new way of experiencing the situation. I notice that tired doesnt have clear non -ed alternatives there is exhausted but that has an -ed, and sleepy doesnt mean the same thing. When Im left waiting I end up feeling frustrated and disrespected. I feel frustrated reading this, in the way that it seems to misinterpret what NVC is advising us to do or not do. Needs reflect the most distinctive and profound aspect of the NVC model. Moralistic language and judgments are used to talk about things that matter to people interpersonally. In its earlier phases, it looked more like Clean Talk than it does now, and potentially included judgments, so long as they were fully owned." But what actually comes out of our mouths may only be a slice of that bigger picture a partial fragment that is then misconstrued by our partner. CleanTalk eliminates the need for CAPTCHA, questions&answers and other ways which use complicated communication methods for spam protection on your site. I think his talk of never hearing thoughts was meant as a wake-up-call to people "lost in their heads" who might believe they can rely purely on reason to navigate through conflict, without opening themselves to feelings, compassion, and empathic understanding. 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