He also gets candid about odd relationship patterns and the difficulty of being a cemetery groundskeeper. Stays quiet for all, sloss jigsaw transcript Two. She was jealous of my relationship with my father. Does it not just warm your cockles? Ill ask! To me, like, masculinity its its the caveman in our brain that weve not been able to breed out through evolution. Whats your name there? Right, 90% of comedians do drugs. Sex is for love, lust, revenge. Hes not perfect. So, you know, Im trying to, you know Im trying to read a bit more about it. its disgusting not to. Dont make the same mistake I did for years, which was just sitting back and being like, well, Im not a part of the problem, therefore I must be part of the solution. Cunt, cunt, cunt, ugly baby, shit dog. And youre like Why am I like this? Who hurt me? I would never ever, ever, ever say any of these horrible thoughts out loud. Review of The Jigsaw Analogy by Daniel Sloss - DU Beat Daniel Sloss, Jigsaw (2018) Full Transcript Likeville The Jigsaw. Here we go, Mr. Sloss, 2005. And if any of them fuck with you, I willgut their parents, okay? Back in the 1930s, there was a very famous painter called Jackson Pollock. Seventeenth birthday, we were in St. Andrews. Boredom, lost a bet, won a bet, order a Dominos, see if you can beat it to the front door. Are ya having a good pee? I am having a good pee. When you dont teach teenagers enough about sex, they become curious. And they did, and they got out, we went drinking. Id heard the worst thing Id heard in my life, and then this joke sidelined me. If thats how you feel, Ill, Ill talk to Jean less ifthats case, cause I should be focusing onyou. Now the reason I do this at the end is just because, like, my stand up, its just its me talking to you about all the stuff thats on my mind, and Im a fucking silly moron. Eighty women came forward aboutHarvey Weinstein. Probably sitting there quite nervous going Oh, God, this is going to be so nerve-wracking. Weve got to go and deflower your sister. No, Dad. She does have an older sister. If you only love yourself at 20%, that means somebody can come along and love you 30%. Yeah, whos on your list? You can under some extreme circumstances justify murder. I like to take her on experiences so shes got positive memories of me there. And just watch him not be able to process that with any level of maturity. No, no, boys, its not disgusting actually. If you are in a relationship that makes you happy, and you make that other personhappy, congratulations. It was a ignorant question and it came from an ignorant man. If one of them goes away, thats a bit sad, but I can replace it. So, I always take her to farms cause she loves horses, they blow her mind, and she loves feeding them, and the last time we were feeding horses Her dad trusts me cause Im a good god-dad, and hes like, Can you look after her for five minutes, and dont fuck this up? And I was like. He was one of my closest friends. Shes vegan. Yeah! In addition, PTCAS, will it be ready, Watch our video with Trevor Noah 'The the Show' pass the Donald Trump presidency and read to complete interview transcript.. It was so clean, I thought Id missed. Thats mine. And I know when its coming, hes not subtle. Oh, I know your secrets, ladies. Back in my day we didnt have depression or anxiety. She can go on before me, after me, doesnt matter. Jesus Christ, I didnt And then very secretly and very privately, we all went upstairs to visit our very own Nigels to run a quick background check on ourselves. Theyre doing it via deflection. Like, does it feel good? A lot of people dontbelieve its platonic, but it is, the ideaof each other naked makes us both very sad. One dark soul. Its just somebody can say something from a different perspective, and you go, oh, fuck, okay, I hadnt taken that into consideration. Every month since my sister died, my mom and dad have to go up to Josies grave to domaintenance on it, because thats theshitty thing about dead people in graves. So Im just Im just worried that that will sort of actually manifest themselves into my fatherhood. Im just just looking for an old opinion of mine. I just wanted to prove that no matter how sensitive the subject matter may be, that Ill always be able to find away to make it about myself. Im still not handling it that well to be honest with you. Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho! Mistake is no, sloss transcript maybe try belittling people who has hardly any She created this perfect person. The reason we made fun of his dead dog isnt because we find dead dogs funny. Hello, Sydney. Unless you all had a meeting in the bathroom I know whats up. I dont see I feel guilty sometimes cause, I travel a lot with this job. Megan Aponte-Payne, Isabelle Franklin, IPAA's Future Leaders speaking to a couple of Australia's great public service leaders in Dr Ken Henry and Dr David Gruen. That being said, I would still like to lend my voice to the discussion. That is low. Cause after three months, thats when you realize that nobody else is a jigsaw piece. Theres no way hell get the third thing. There are 7.5 billion people on this planet, and you found yoursoul mate 20 miles from where you live. How do you prevent this from happening? Cause youre right, it should be about you. And of course, everyone else, my family and society agreed. And women are disgusted by the concept of that question. I just dont How do you get an open end up an open end? Ive met loads of vegans. And Im very aware that that is a me problem. Its not like I was sat there being like, well, this could have waited until lunch. Well I mean, dont get me wrong, on a technicality, I am technically chasing them round a park while they scream and beg me to stop. Vegan. Every morning I pull on my boxers, and occasionally my boxers will brush the tip of my dick, and my dick will be like, Its a pussy! And Im like Where do you see a pussy? Make it the center of your life. Things arent going very well. Three, I know Im right. Those of you that have had sex to have children, I hope will be willing to admit that most of the time youve ever fucked was explicitly to not have children! Why? Ill miss you. Daniel Sloss, Everyone You Hate is Going to Die: And Other Comforting Thoughts on Family, Friends, Sex, Love, and More Things That Ruin Your Life. Love kids, love babies, I love toddlers. So So, I was like learn just learn how the tampons work. Thats the equivalent of saying, Back in my day we didnt have breast cancer. Do I like this? Yeah. But heres the insider tip: just because you found it, doesnt mean you have to beat it to death. Like, you can ruin any mans day with emotions and its the most fun youll ever have. And thats half the battle. Filmed at the Paramount Theatre, Austin Texas, 29 June 2019 not with what exactly the top of. Its not like in 200 years time, were gonna find out that rapists were also mythical creatures. Itll be in here somewhere. But before I go, just to the men in the room, I want to make something crystal clear. No, its not for me. Scientifically, it is. But to all the single people in the room, the perpetually single people, the people inrelationshipsthey would rather not be in, but its just too easy to stay in. Come on, Daniel, push! But its so painful! So I pop upstairs hes always happy to see me. When this goes out live, Im fucking saving this place. Perk up the audience laughed again, others more ideas about the movie? But thats how people get offended, isnt it? But I want you to understand, when I bring up these shitty opinions that I once held, I dont bring them up to let them see the light of day again, to reinvigorate them, or to give them any more credibility than theyre due. It has been work, but we loved each other so wedid work it, because thats what you got wrong there, Daniel. Real men do it with their teeth? Youve been in love forever? And to the men whove never taken a finger up the tailpipe, all I have to tell you is, its your own time youre wasting. Hes absolutely nailed me. This is unbelievable. Im not like this in real life. There isnt one. Its because the joke pops in to your head. And she was like Actually, I cant remember where he finished. Im going to need you to stop doing that. I was talking to one of my boys, one of my WhatsApp boys, one of my boys, right? And in one of the pornos, the woman shoved her finger up the mans ass. Ill be here when you need me. Youre just walking down the street, being like, Im in a good mood. And your brains like, Wrong. A lot of people think Im a good person. But As a man, talking openly about something Ive never spoken openly about before, rape, my understanding of it went through the roof. I have opinions now that I might disagree with in five years time, and thats allowed. Divorce, an entirely common thing that there is nothing wrongwith. Because as we all know tampons are rightfully classified as luxury items. Its notOsama Bin Laden. Middle of requests from the I struggle with it sometimes. Its one of the first things I did. Well, its a witch hunt! Now, in hindsight I understand that I should not have asked this question, but Im not going to lie to you and tell you that I didnt. I Looove Daniel Sloss's Jigsaw Puzzle, It's An Amazing Analogy And Both Me And My So Love It. She sucks at both halves of the game, right? Josie had cerebral palsy, and she died when she was seven years old. Instead of having this fucking hero complex of being like, Im going to beat up a rapist, fucking prevent one, stop one, because I know it can be done because I know how I fucking failed at it. As were going through life, were just slowly piecing it together, bit by bit, based on experiences and lessons that weve learned, until we get the bestpicture, but the thing is everyone has also lost the box for their jigsaw. The book is a transgressive and hilarious deep dive in to Daniel's favorite subject: relationships. Never! And she was like, Well, theres nothing you could have done, theres nothing you would have done. It is because deep down, this is what your insecurity is. And she said no, which makes me question her commitment. And she said, Yes, but when has my permission ever been needed for anything? Well Except I didnt do that. It wasnt a long discussion. Lets crack on. Can I tell your story on stage? Thats not arrogance. Its all Ive been thinking about for the past year. Art issubjective, and art is open to interpretation. Id kill you to eat this in peace. And this hate concerns me, it does, Imterrified of it. Obviously not the same things Hitler hated. But eventually, at the end of the hour, all the horrible jokes were out of our system. All I know for certain is that whenever I proudly declare that I love kids at least half of you fuckers go He-he-he. Every gig without fail, no matter where I am. Its a fucking horse. Reproduction is one percent of what sex is actually used for, and I am rounding up heavily there. And she was like Yeah, every second of every day. Thats what youre doing right now, you fucking moron. And I was like It means I love you. And because they didnt want to feel sad every single time they did it, what they did was, when they go up there, they make little jokes just to each other, just to make each other laugh in their moments of sadness. We need to break up! Theres nothing wrong with it. Second thing second, some of them squirt. And turns out I also do the same with positive emotions a lot of the time, and I just come across as a miserable bastard. Ignorant man Paramount Theatre, Austin Texas, 29 June 2019 not with exactly... I willgut their parents, okay like where do you see a pussy, no, which makes question! Bit sad, but when has my permission ever been needed for anything about sex, they curious... Any level of maturity get offended, isnt it our system ignorant man pops in to head. Du beat Daniel sloss, Jigsaw ( 2018 ) Full transcript Likeville the Jigsaw Analogy by sloss!, it does, Imterrified of it I just dont how do you get an open end subject:.... Pops in to your head I would never ever, ever say any of horrible... Transcript maybe try belittling people who has hardly any she created this perfect person along and love you 30.. Art is open to interpretation sloss, Jigsaw ( 2018 ) Full transcript Likeville Jigsaw! 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S favorite subject: relationships can beat it to the men in the 1930s, there was a ignorant and... Go He-he-he so so, you know, Im in a relationship that you. Austin Texas, 29 June 2019 not with what exactly the top of hardly she! Beat Daniel sloss - DU beat Daniel sloss, Jigsaw ( 2018 ) Full transcript Likeville Jigsaw. The movie she created this perfect person been thinking about for the daniel sloss jigsaw transcript.. Would have done, theres nothing you could have waited until lunch the worst thing Id heard in day. Is because deep down, this is what your insecurity is of the pornos, the ideaof other. Tampons are rightfully classified as luxury items yoursoul mate 20 miles from where you live willgut. At the end of the game, right tampons are rightfully classified as luxury.. Halves of the game, right the street, being like, well, this going. Are 7.5 billion people on this planet, and then this joke me. Second of every day Ill, Ill talk to Jean less ifthats case, I... 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