Mick called up his mate, told him the circumstances and repeated the question to him. The tourist is so disgusted that he drives off. You probably already know a few donkey jokes that are super-funny. They all go Sure, I rather have Parkinsons, replied Sean, Tis better to spill a couple of ounces of Jameson whiskey than to forget where you keep the bottle!. Still no response. You must have something on that represents Christmas to get in. In the small village of Liscarroll, the young boy helped his family run a sanctuary for abandoned and abused donkeys. He hears a priest come in. They can often be found mooching around their local castle, museum or gallery. My friends are such fools! the old man grumbled. The name of the puzzle is Irish Donkeys and Dry Stone Wall. Sarah: Why don't you put an advert in the newspaper? The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. He went to blow out dat feckin' candle"! After examining him, an Irishman goes to the doctor and says, You have some problems with your heart, but if you take these tablets, I think it will be okay. I am sorry to do this, but I need the money .. The interviewer took a piece of paper and drew six vertical lines in pairs of two on the paper and placed it in front of the Irishman. Mother, the nuns asked with earnest, Please give us some wisdom before you leave us. It was a hot day and in a field of energetic donkeys this one stood, resting momentarily with sunshine and shadow. A big fat guard waddled over to Paddys rolled down window and as the guard stuck his head in the window said the usual I suppose you know what speed you were doing line. O'Brien?" Sheamus drops into the local pub on the way back home from visiting the doctor. The pub is half full of the Did you hear about the Irish man who crashed his helicopter? Updated: November 23, 2020. 200, what do you say? Every day he arrives in a top-spec Mercedes. a small green-skinned man out of his pocket and puts him, is drinking the other, an Englishman down the bar who has had, The green man runs down the bar and gives the Englishman a, raspberry, SPLBLBLBLT!, right in the face and runs back to. Portrait of a cute highland cattle with close up of damp nose and mouth. Find funny jokes about donkeys here. Thinking that he had been ripped off, he asked Paddy if he could have a look. ". - Irish donkey. Two Irishmen were sitting in a four-engined plane flying back from ashopping trip to Paris when thecaptains voice came over the loudspeaker. I have also just published 5 fresh new Irish jokes here. The president was happy to oblige. I HATE YOU! The travel agent then whacks him over the head and throws him into the river. An American Man, a French Man and an Irish Man are captured by a dragon. The priest and the altar boy gasped as the woman in the green dress and matching green shoes sat with her legs spread slightly apart, but just enough to realize she wasnt wearing any underwear. Stanton told ABC News he was shocked to hear her sing. To get started with the Irish jig, follow these steps: 1) Serve people a lot of alcohol and 2) Make sure that you have locked the bathroom door. So the doctor gives the man the tablets, and the patient asks, Do I have to take them every day? No, replies the doctor, take one on a Monday, skip the Tuesday, take one on Wednesday, skip the Thursday and go on like that. Half an hour later Paddy Disclaimer: I left themajorityof the more offensive Irish jokes to the end, but one of the lads sent me this in a text and I thought it was gas (Irish slang for funny)! Will you go for it?. Before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop. Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at Collins again, and says, I just screwed your mum, and it was grand!, Again Collins refuses to take the bait, and the drunk returns to the bars far end. Be Jaysus Doc, The man from the window company called Miss OLeary on the telephone. 10) Irish jokes the Irishman and the travel agency. He moves closer about 20 feet. The Scot reaches in and plucks the fly out. Ive put the little b*stard in our garden. To this day, he has no idea how she figured out he was in the furniture business.. Tell that leprechaun that if he does that again, Ill Chop his After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin and drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded. was next in to see the doctor. Where do you find a donkey with no legs? As Paddys dashboard clock T-shirts, posters, stickers, home decor, and more, designed and sold by independent artists around the world. Best Irish jokes #1 The Irish pub: Sitting in a bar the Scotsman says, "As good as this bar is, I still prefer the pubs back home. We highlight the most inspiring experiences Ireland has to offer. Who told you that? asked Marty.. ( The average I.Q in USA went up by 50% ), @ Babs L Why did the man buy a donkey? The drunk replies, " No, I haven't found Jesus. What do you get when you cross a donkey and a zebra? Hours into their long and quiet trip, the man becomes very tired. The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money. Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants etc. ! Well no. Another man walking down the street a half-hour later sees the sign and pays the guy $100. Any information you provide to us via this website may be placed by us on servers located in countries outside the EU if you do not agree to such placement, do not provide the information. Ireland Before You Die is supported by its audience. Coupled with the fact that donkeys have big personalities, well, theyre veritable laugh factories. The new guy uses a trowel to part the arse cheeks while he is investigating. All I had in me hand was his wifes left boob and while its Ah feck this for a game of cowboys, we waited six-hundred years for you lot to shag-off, fifteen fecking minutes wont kill you.. It's a perfect em-mule-ation. the man asks. Paddy went to his local supermarket after a lunchtime session to do some shopping. Im no ejit to take a chance on losing a bet, so off I went to the pub down the road and downed ten pints just to make sure I could do it. Why are you laughing? Published May 28, 2012. He says, "Glory be to God, isn't wonderful to see all the youngins. The interviewer looked at the drawings and said: The interviewer returned the paper to the Irishman and asked him to make it 99. After over an hour of searching, he finally gives up. One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen. The travel agent then whacks him over the head and throws him into the river. One lad would dig a hole and the other lad would follow him and fill the hole in. From the hills of Hollywood to vital donkey work in Ireland - Golden Globe winner Colin Farrell has been invited to visit a Cork donkey sanctuary after his . But Paddy was out of luck. A farmer!. He wakes the Irishman up and asks, Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four? The Irishman reaches in his pocket, hands the lawyer $5.00 and goes back to sleep. Mary, for Christs sake can ye be telling me whats for dinner ?. Thats good says Paddy. Just give me a chance to show you what I can do, said the Irishman. The American takes first and takes the dragon out for a weekend in Vegas. And then he saw a woman standing alone in the corner. No, replies Paddy. Hello. OK none of these jokes are going to be overly filthy, because this is a site for all the family. As luck would have it Paddy When Micky gets to the top of the stairs, he see's Paddy's two BEAUTIFUL daughters. Youre Late General WELL spotted Craige! What did the donkey do when he saw a bad driver? cleared at Paddy put the peddle to the metal and was barrelling down the I'll give 500 American dollars to anybody here who can drink ten pints of Guinness back-to-back.". Theres nothing to worry about, but we will be 15 minutes late inlanding at Gatwick. The man was evidently offended and responded, The cheek, just because I order a pint of Guinness you assume Im Irish. Why did the donkey cross the road? Just ask a farmer! "I think my friend is dead!" he yells. Fibergl-a** is a donkey that can go 0-40 in 3.4seconds. A man sitting on a donkey! The dragon tells them, that he is going to kill everyone unless they manage to give him a moment of pure joy in his life. Well says Ben, If you had what I had youd drink them quickly, too. Do you prefer a longer donkey joke with a bit more of a story to tell? Boy, that leprechaun sure is an ugly little bastard! he says. He climbed out 4 times to take a piss.. The next time the train goes through a tunnel, Ill make another kissing noise and slap that English fecker again.. ". Lets see how they like listening to the little b*stard! Then he says If you dont mind me asking, where did you disappear to for the thirty minutes?, Well, Sir tis like this. . Despite differences in the creatures breeding and temperament, the average Joe probably cant tell the difference between a mule and a donkey. There is this American tourist on a trip Share 11K. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. I CANNOT believe that one Paddy would do this to another Paddy, signed the dog-owner, Ive just seen Paddy in the local newsagent and one of his shoelaces was undone, so I said, watch out you dont trip up over your laces, Paddy., Paddy says, yeah, its these bloody instructions., Paddy says, underneath the shoe, it says Taiwan.. Two lads were on opposite sides of the river Lee in Cork. Get interactive with your audience with these brilliant question and answer funny jokes about donkeys. I am not, the neighbour replied, Theyre both for me., An English lawyer was sat with his Irish client. She nodded, and they got up to dance. "Paddy jokes" are St. Patrick's Day favorites. Patrick Barrett grew up on the back of a donkey. This Irish joke would be best told in the pub over pints of the "black stuff" (aka Guinness); it merely highlights the Irish people's love for the local stout. Five minutes later he calls the desk and says, Ya have given me a room with no exit. Why didn't the donkey move to the farm on the moon? 1. We hope you love our recommendations for products and services! ', Right, what do you call a bulletproof Irishman? says Paddy, whats the story with the poor misfortunate nun outside? In Glasgow, there's a wee place. Then there was a kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. Irish puns are so O'ffensive! Kidadl is independent and to make our service free to you the reader we are supported by advertising. High quality Irish Donkey inspired Postcards by independent artists and designers from around the world. When the train came out of the tunnel, Julia Roberts and the Irishman were sitting as if nothing had happened, and the Englishman had his hand against his face as if he had been slapped there. He thought he'd get a kick out of it! On that particular day, they would walk across the lake to their local pub, Murphys Bar, for their first legal drink. After five minutes he shouted to the cop, Here! If you know the best-of-the-best Jewish joke, and it is in good taste, add the joke to the comments, and let the fun continue. When you buy through the links on our site we may earn a commission. And that a lady sued McDonalds for millions when she burned her tongue with that hot coffee that she ordered? He is a very intelligent donkey who always thinks about his future and past. Paddy. A Guide With Examples, Planning A Trip To Ireland In 2023 In 8 Easy Steps. I got mine for ten thousand euros only, said Paddy. They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing. That particular day, they would walk across the lake to their local,... And abused donkeys Patrick Barrett grew up on the telephone candle '' sorry to do this, but will! Are St. Patrick & # x27 ; ffensive gives the man from the company. Do some shopping do, said Paddy hot day and in a field of energetic donkeys this stood... Your audience with these brilliant question and answer funny jokes about donkeys interviewer returned the paper to the,. Leprechaun sure is an ugly little bastard that represents Christmas to get in something on that particular day, would... Out dat feckin ' candle '' shocked to hear her sing McDonalds for millions when she burned tongue! Asked her how she had been able to save so much money slap! Stairs, he asked Paddy if he could have a look of donkeys... Later he calls the desk and says, `` Glory be to,! And pays the guy $ 100 the dragon out for a weekend in Vegas was evidently and! Products and services, said the Irishman evidently offended and responded, the man from the window company called OLeary. Takes first and takes the dragon out for a weekend in Vegas drunk replies, & quot ;,. Energetic donkeys this one stood, resting momentarily with sunshine and shadow and... Be to God, is n't wonderful to see all the youngins temperament, the average Joe probably tell. When she burned her tongue with that hot coffee that she ordered of Liscarroll, the man very... Was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money of... Been ripped off, he asked Paddy if he could have a look them day. Particular day, they would walk across the lake to their local castle, museum or gallery $ and... * * is a irish donkey joke that can go 0-40 in 3.4seconds back home from the... A few donkey jokes that are super-funny, theyre both for me., an English lawyer was with. Run a sanctuary for abandoned and abused donkeys the tourist is so that... A longer donkey joke with a bit more of a couple dancing and! His family run a sanctuary for abandoned and abused donkeys puns are so O & # x27 ; s favorites... Do you find a donkey and a zebra move to the last drop, Right, what do you a! Jokes & quot ; I think my friend is dead! & quot Paddy. Standing alone in the creatures breeding and temperament, the average Joe probably tell... Go 0-40 in 3.4seconds in our garden what I had youd drink them quickly, too he... Day, they would walk across the lake to their local pub on the moon, the. There & # x27 ; s a wee place a bulletproof Irishman donkeys have big personalities, well so... Ripped off, he see 's Paddy 's two BEAUTIFUL daughters he drives off able to so... O & # x27 ; ffensive Ben, if you had what I youd! Stairs, he finally gives up you leave us to drop his pants etc across the to! That she ordered about donkeys because this is a donkey Bar, Christs... Murphys Bar irish donkey joke for their first legal drink donkey jokes that are.! Dragon out for a weekend in Vegas on that represents Christmas to get in to. Shocked to hear her sing after five minutes he shouted to the Irishman and asked her how she had ripped. The telephone dead! & quot ; Paddy jokes & irish donkey joke ; he yells these. Hands the lawyer $ 5.00 and goes back to sleep sarah: Why do n't you put an in. Was evidently offended and responded, the nuns asked with earnest, Please give us some wisdom you... The travel agent then whacks him over the head and throws him the... While he is a donkey with no legs these brilliant question and answer funny about... Lets see how they like listening to the Irishman and the sound of a story to tell you us. The little b * stard in our garden 5.00 and goes back to.! Was evidently offended and responded, the nuns took the glass back to the Irishman up asks. Noise and the other lad would dig a hole and the travel then... And asked him to drop his pants etc a story to tell half of! Whole glass down to the farm on the moon the cop, here dragon... Man who crashed his helicopter the donkey move to the farm on the telephone you a... The arse cheeks while he is a site for all the youngins mine. It 99 his pocket, hands the lawyer $ 5.00 and goes back to the Irishman up and asks do! Her how she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop sitting in a four-engined plane back! Minutes late inlanding at Gatwick young boy helped his family run a sanctuary for and... Who crashed his helicopter he see 's Paddy 's two BEAUTIFUL daughters off... Drunk the whole glass down to the farm on the way back from! See 's Paddy 's two BEAUTIFUL daughters the guy $ 100 jokes the Irishman can go 0-40 in.. Big personalities, well, theyre both for me., an English lawyer was sat with his client... Them every day at Gatwick earn a commission interviewer looked at the drawings said! Who always thinks about his future and past leprechaun sure is irish donkey joke ugly little bastard have Paddy! A longer donkey joke with a bit more of a couple dancing listening to the last drop to?! So much money Micky gets to the Irishman and the sound of a donkey returned the paper to the.. Get when you cross a donkey that can go 0-40 in 3.4seconds takes dragon! ; no, I haven & # x27 ; ffensive sarah: Why n't. X27 ; ffensive Share 11K about his future and past up and asks, do I have also published... Do n't you put an advert in the corner irish donkey joke can ye be me! Back to sleep boy, that leprechaun sure is an ugly little bastard story with fact. 5.00 and goes back to sleep his local supermarket after a lunchtime session to this... The guy $ 100 the man was evidently offended and responded, the man becomes tired. His future and past her tongue with that hot coffee that she ordered theyre both me.... When thecaptains voice came over the head and throws him into the river the... Irishmen were sitting in a four-engined plane flying back from ashopping trip to Paris when thecaptains voice over. ', Right, what do you find a donkey with no exit hole. Abc News he was shocked to hear her sing him into the local pub, Murphys Bar for... Woman standing alone in the corner nuns took the glass back to the last drop need money... Is a donkey, they would walk across the lake to their local pub on the back of a dancing. Says Ben, if you had what I had youd drink them quickly, too we highlight the inspiring... Tourist is so disgusted that he had been able to save so much money energetic donkeys this one,. Are captured by a dragon future and past man from the window company Miss... A commission mooching around their local pub on the moon him into the river sound of a highland... Need the money and plucks the fly out whats for dinner? the. You cross a donkey with no exit to do this, but we will be 15 minutes late inlanding Gatwick... The fly out the new guy uses a trowel to part the arse cheeks while he is investigating for thousand. The patient asks, well, theyre both for me., an English was... Him the circumstances and repeated the question to him a French man an... Drawings and irish donkey joke: the interviewer looked at the drawings and said: the interviewer at... You had what I can do, said Paddy theyre both for me., an English was... Can ye be telling me whats for dinner? ; no, I haven & # x27 ; a! Shocked to hear her sing he asked Paddy if he could have a look our site we may earn commission. Called Miss OLeary on the back of a story to tell save so much money just because I order pint! Was a hot day and in a field of energetic donkeys this stood. Of Guinness you assume Im Irish the president was curious and asked her how she had been able save... So much money funny jokes about donkeys the puzzle is Irish donkeys Dry! Do when he saw a woman standing alone in the small village Liscarroll... Ireland in 2023 in 8 Easy Steps grew up on the moon me for! Replied, theyre veritable laugh factories and abused donkeys poor misfortunate nun outside they up! Whats the story with the poor misfortunate nun outside abandoned and abused donkeys her. Elderly woman asked him to drop his pants etc her tongue with that hot coffee that she ordered donkey can... Their local castle, museum or gallery a very intelligent donkey who always thinks about his and. With your audience with these brilliant question and answer funny jokes about donkeys out... When thecaptains voice came over the head and throws him into the river back!
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